Category: Lifestyle

Coping

Hanging out with my daughter has been great. I have been working from home and the day care is closed. I love the fact that we can hang out all day. However, I am starting to feel bad that we can’t go anywhere. It is sinking in as I spend my days in this 950 square foot apartment, with my family. I feel bad that I do not have a backyard for her to play in. I feel guilty I didn’t have another child, she wouldn’t be so lonely. I feel guilty that I can’t give her 100% while working from home. There are some days she has her meltdowns because she wants to go to the park or go to grandmas house. It is hard to experience but definitely has to be hard on the kids. So much change!

What makes me feel good is that I am learning more of what kind of toys she likes and things that keep her busy. She enjoys imaginative toys. Play kitchens and foods, cash registers anything that is interactive and can pretend.

Another learning experience for me is that I discovered I do enjoy being home. I also discovered my triggers. And by trigger I mean what makes me angry or stressed. It is not just my job, it is actually specific emails from specific individuals. So I am doing my best to limit my contact with them until this stressful time roles over. I also noticed that I don’t get a thanks at work.

I just hope people are more kind, as we are challenged with working from home and teaching our children. Say thank you and show appreciation to your colleagues. Check up on them. It is easy to get wrapped up in work and forget about everyone. Also, if you are under stress just take a deep breath before saying the wrong things.

Build Your Own Path

Peeking through the window on the door. Waving to the people at the table and asking them to let me in. Some of them pretend that they don’t see me. Others make eye contact, then look around to see if anyone else will open the door first. Since no one else pays me no mind, they go about their business. A middle-aged lady walks by and bumps into me. She opens the door but closes it in my face and locks it. I was so close! That door opens to a room that I wanted to be in so bad. The room of opportunity and growth. The room to feel included. The room where I have a seat at the table.

I guess I thought that life would be great there. I thought that I would be happy and fulfilled in life. I thought that would mean that I have “made it”. However, just because I have a seat at the table doesn’t mean that they will treat me any better than when I didn’t have a seat. Would they really listen to my input? Value my contributions? Take me seriously? Who knows? but it seems like a lot of people-pleasing to do for 40 hours a week and is that really fulfilling? I see why people build their own path because they were tired of hearing no’s and being rejected. Perhaps, they were tired of having to try to impress others.

I think I may be on that path to just building my own path, my own room, with my own table. It will be a lot of work because I am starting from scratch without any path.

To anyone reading this who can relate – don’t give up. You got this and you will keep shining. Do your thing, give it your all and do it FOR YOU.