Peeking through the window on the door. Waving to the people at the table and asking them to let me in. Some of them pretend that they don’t see me. Others make eye contact, then look around to see if anyone else will open the door first. Since no one else pays me no mind, they go about their business. A middle-aged lady walks by and bumps into me. She opens the door but closes it in my face and locks it. I was so close! That door opens to a room that I wanted to be in so bad. The room of opportunity and growth. The room to feel included. The room where I have a seat at the table.

I guess I thought that life would be great there. I thought that I would be happy and fulfilled in life. I thought that would mean that I have “made it”. However, just because I have a seat at the table doesn’t mean that they will treat me any better than when I didn’t have a seat. Would they really listen to my input? Value my contributions? Take me seriously? Who knows? but it seems like a lot of people-pleasing to do for 40 hours a week and is that really fulfilling? I see why people build their own path because they were tired of hearing no’s and being rejected. Perhaps, they were tired of having to try to impress others.

I think I may be on that path to just building my own path, my own room, with my own table. It will be a lot of work because I am starting from scratch without any path.

To anyone reading this who can relate – don’t give up. You got this and you will keep shining. Do your thing, give it your all and do it FOR YOU.